Two Weeks Off Instagram

Aka the best two weeks I've had in a really long time

I decided to journal my way through this process for my own benefit as well as an insight into the pros and cons of doing something like this. There are countless studies that show the negative effects of social media. It’s designed to give us cheap dopamine hits and keep us coming back for more—there’s a reason the tech giants don’t allow their own kids to be on social media. On top of the increased likelihood of bullying, a distorted body image and expectations attached to that, and a natural sense of FOMO, there’s also links to worsened mental health outcomes including higher reports of depression and anxiety.

I kicked off this challenge on the heels of a super busy time which is great but simultaneously completely awful. I did my first official craft market over the Mother’s day weekend which left me physically/emotionally/socially/mentally exhausted. Any other time I would’ve completely checked out, wasted the entire day watching Netflix and aimlessly scrolling, but instead I was left alone with my thoughts. The first few days I spent a lot of time wandering aimlessly around the house without social media to fill those little voids throughout the day and snacking.. a lot. I’m assuming my brain was looking for cheap feel good hits and found it via eating cheese in front of the fridge.

By day 3 I was doing a lot better. I was more effectively fighting the default habit of just opening my phone and opening Instagram. I managed to get a lot more things accomplished because there weren’t random scrolling breaks. I deep cleaned my pottery studio, decorated some other pieces that have been just sitting on my shelf, washed-folded-and put away my laundry. I also worked out a 90 day ‘business plan’ for both my writing and my ceramics. I’m so incredibly passionate about both of these things and I finally had space to really assess the direction I want to take.

My productivity and focus only increased from here. I spend another day in the studio dealing with trimming pieces and underglaze that has been forgotten for so long. I went to the community studio in the evening, made a bunch of eggs, and really just had an all around creative day. What a joy.

Day 4 was about the time I started to actually assess social media and it’s impact on us as a society. I spent a lot of time thinking about how we’ve essentially trained ourselves to neeed social media. Before the socials existed there wasn’t this expectation that we’d share our entire lives with others. The random thoughts and feelings I have throughout the day (example: Joe Goldberg in the book ‘You’ isn’t as charming as the Penn Badgely version in the Netflix series and I wonder if I would’ve liked him less if I had read the book first. But Penn Badgely did such a fantastic job in making me love him and then making me hate him in the last season I’m kinda glad I had that experience instead of hating him right away) would’ve been experienced by myself. Maybe a few of those thoughts would’ve been shared with a friend, but mostly I would’ve just thought them and moved on with my day. It’s made me realize how fleeting so many of these thoughts are and how they really don’t need to be shared. I also think a lot about pre-social media we didn’t have this “shut your brain off and scroll” time. What would we have done in the ‘empty’ moments? Something productive, or creative, or actually relaxing? This stop thinking for 20 minutes thing is a new concept and I have a suspicion it actually adds to the overwhelm instead of giving us a reprieve from it.

Someone made a great analogy regarding the uselessness of scrolling—counting rice. They did a social media detox and forced herself to do a mindless task for an hour, counting rice, because its really no different from scrolling in terms of wasted time. From there on out she asked herself, when she caught herself on her phone, ‘is this different from counting rice for an hour?’, and if it wasn’t she would find something else to do.

A few times through this practice I ended up getting sucked into the Instagram vortex. My sister only communicates via IG DMs so I had to occasionally check the app to make sure she wasn’t dying or something. The interesting thing is how quickly my brain thought “this is all so incredibly stupid.” I could see that so much of the content is inflammatory, so many comments are so cruel, so many things purposely posted to create division, so many people desperate for the shallow attention the internet gives them. (I can say that, because I was obviously one of those people who posted and engaged in this.)

By the one week mark I could see a noticeable difference in myself. My general attitude became more positive, I wasn’t as emotionally drained during the day, I felt more creative and inspired, and I was able to actually get into a ‘flow state’ and focus more easily. My days now regularly looked like writing a letter to a friend, sitting outside enjoying the smell of the spring blossoms, actually reading and finishing books—heck I was able to sit and read 200 pages without distraction. During date night I was present and enjoyed my time with Phil. I simply stopped thinking about my phone while I was doing other things.

I can honestly say I didn’t miss Instagram at all after that first week. I no longer felt an urge to call out mean comments or make content defending the same tired insults (You’re going to die alone, you’ll regret it when you’re older, blah blah blah). My attitude transitioned so clearly into a ‘Who cares?’ mindset. Who cares if they think that when I’m over here enjoying my coffee and the spring blossoms or having a glass of wine on a patio with my husband or creating beautiful ceramics in my basement studio? I’m enjoying my life and they are wasting their time and energy thinking about me.

The subsequent week was much of the same. Lots of time accomplishing things, lots of time creating things, lots of time actually living my life instead of watching other people live theirs. But as the break was coming to a close I realized I had to decide how to move forward. The break was incredible, but I couldn’t go back to the way things were before. I didn’t want to. I love the community I’ve built on Instagram, I love the people I’ve connected with and made real friendships through it, but every single time I open a comment section, or post something to my page, it’s met with a wave of garbagey meanness. Everyone is just so angry, all the time. Not to mention the bots.. so. many. bots.

I know a shift has to happen, and in a notable way. Not only with content creation, limits on how much time I spend on Instagram, but also boundaries put in place within the app. I know the decisions I share here will negatively impact my existence there. It’s not going to please the algorithm gods at all, but my peace is so much more important. I started by limiting who is allowed to comment on my posts—only followers. I’ve been trigger happy with clicking ‘not interested’ on posts and blocking accounts that show me any sort of content I don’t want to see. I’m removing any sort of news sources, celebrity gossip, triggering content. There’s no rule that says we have to get our news from social media, so I’m simply not. (You can also do that by the way.) I’ve also made a fairly extensive list of words to not show me content from in my settings—you can pick specific words to block so if content has those in the caption or hashtags, it won’t show them.

As for my own content, a shift is happening there too. Again, likely one that will lose followers and impact my existence online, but Instagram doesn’t pay me anyways so really.. who cares. I have to finally say goodbye to the childfree specific content. I know many people found it helpful, encouraging, a safe space to exist, but I can’t keep defending our choices and thinking Instagram is a place where people are going to engage in conversation and change their minds. Spoiler: I’ve been doing this for years and no one has ever changed their minds or opinions. I’m still a childfree person, I still live a childfree life, I just can no longer be on the front lines and vocal about it.

This break got me thinking a lot about what it means to really live and embrace life. Not just the big things like travelling and lavish living, but the small day to day as well. Creating with my own hands, spending time in the garden, sitting down for dinner with people I love, creating community, learning new skills, exploring in a close to home sort of way. A life where one touches grass—literally and figuratively. I want to show that a life without kids can be so incredible, without specifically having to say “Hey! A life without kids can be incredible!!” I want to encourage people to get off the internet and actually live their own lives instead of watching others. I want to influence people to acknowledge that we have this one wild and precious life and we shouldn’t waste it caring what others think, fighting in a comment section, letting fear stop us from trying new things, believing that we can’t do something.

So that’s the path I want to start exploring. What does a life look like when it doesn’t revolve around the next big achievement, but instead is made up of intentional, beautiful moments strung together on purpose? What would happen if I forgot about algorithms and metrics and created a life that actually feels like mine? What could my life look like a year from now if I redefined ‘success’ and simply chose a slower, more intentional life?

I guess we’ll see.